You made me love my body

  • Dear baby,

     

    Before I had you, my body was different. It was less stretchy, less wobbly and it worked just a little bit better.

     

    But here’s the thing. I had a rocky relationship with my body and before you came I spent close to 15 years trying to make it better. You see, for some reason I thought the purpose of my body was to look good; to impress people, to woo people and possibly even one day look good in a bikini. But with every curve and bump and lump, my body let me down.

    I tried to train it, to get it in shape. With every sit up came the promise of a flat stomach and with every pushup the removal of wobbly arms.

     

    Over the years, sometimes my body cooperated and rewarded me with an opportunity to wear the clothes I wanted to wear and maybe, just maybe, look okay. Most of the time I felt that my body failed me. And at those times no amount of baggy clothes could hide the disgustingness underneath.

     

    Hindsight is a wonderful thing but sometimes hard to find. And for some reason one of the best gifts I received as I ventured in to the shock of motherhood is hindsight.

     

    Now I look back at my body in amazement.


    You see, that body took me all the way to Everest basecamp.

    That body tolerated years of drinking and dancing and late nights.

    That body allowed me to run marathons.

    That body jumped off a cliff with a rope tied around my ankles.

    That body fought off colds and infections and viruses and did it’s best to keep me healthy.

    That body swam in oceans all around the world.

    That body was incredible.

    And then, having been treated fairly poorly for almost 30 years, it still came through to perform the ultimate, most phenomenal, life changing, body-changing challenge.


    My body conceived you.


    As if that wasn’t enough, it then endured nine long months of transforming itself so that it could create, grow and nurture you.


    My belly became your home. My blood became your life support. My body grew an organ with the sole purpose of feeding you.


    My skin stretched and grew with you.

    My body created relaxin to relax all of my joints in preparation to give birth to you. But don’t let the name fool you - there was nothing ‘relaxin’ about it. (Mum joke)

    I carried 50 percent extra blood so there was enough for both of us.

    New hormones soared through my body and made me the emotional, irrational and melodramatic mamma you know and love.

    I craved the food that my body needed to fuel your growth and man did you need a lot of milo and hot chips.

    Your growing little home which was once the size of my fist, became the size of a watermelon, and a big one at that.

    My heart beat faster as it anticipated your arrival.


    And then after 41 weeks and one day of growing you my body would accomplish its greatest feat. You see, my body was designed perfectly for this moment. It was doing everything it could to make way for your arrival. Once you were good and ready you told my body and sure enough my body did as it was told. I must admit cheeky baby that you did your best to hinder this process – sitting back to front in my belly so you were ready to see the world as you entered it. But still my body did its best. With every contraction my body was opening and softening, until it was open and soft enough for you to make your grand entrace.

    With some very special helpers, the support of your wonderful dad, some serious (legal) drugs and some other necessary apparatus, you finally introduced yourself.

    You were placed on my belly where you felt the warmth of my skin and though my mind was overwhelmed my body knew what came next and sure enough it gave me milk to feed you.


    And to remind me of this miracle I’ve been blessed with new marks and bumps and curves and lines.

    So every time my body lets me down or makes a mistake, I remember all it has achieved.


    So thank you dear baby.

    Having you made me finally, after all these years, love my body.


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Comments

5 comments
  • Siona B
    Siona B Well done stace :)
    20 December 2013 - 1 likes this
  • Jen K
    Jen K love xx
    29 December 2013
  • Andrea F
    Andrea F So beautiful!!!!
    3 January 2014
  • Jen S
    Jen S Beautifully written! I've never loved my body more than after I've had my baby. Sure it's wobbly, a bit wrinkled and covered in stretchmarks, but they're all medals, badges of honor to be worn with pride, because they show a fraction of what we went thr...  more
    3 January 2014