The Moment I Realised my Life was Different after Baby

  • By Lauren Pykett


    A pregnant friend of mine recently asked me this: “What was the time when you truly realised your life had changed since having your baby?” Hmmm... I cast my mind back and thought about those very early days of sleep deprivation, the way I would cry uncontrollably at times for no obvious reason, the way my heart would ache, in a good way, when my son and I locked eyes while he was feeding….  however none of these were clear moments I could pinpoint where I realised  life would never be the same again.  The clearest event where I knew I was living a different life to my pre-baby one would have to be the first date since my son was born. So that’s the answer I gave her.


    I’d like to share with you the story of our first date after having my baby, although before I do let’s have a refresher on how my husband and I used to date:


    Step 1. Have a shower and get ready to go out


    Step 2. Leave house


    Step 3. Enjoy a nice relaxed dinner and movie. Go for a stroll afterwards; maybe get a couple of drinks at a bar or an ice-cream


    Step 4. Come home, unwind, maybe indulge in a little bedroom action before falling asleep, knowing the next day you could sleep in.


    Simple. Fun. No Hang-ups.


    It was my 29th birthday when my son was eight weeks old, and we thought it was about time we left him in someone else’s care for the first time and go on a date. To say this was a big deal for me was an understatement! The promise of finally being out of the house and on our own was so invigorating.

    My mother-in-law came to look after our son, and my goodness, you should have seen the size of the notes page I left for her! Going through how to handle every worst case scenario and every settling trick she could try if he needed it. She of course said not to worry, take as much time as we liked and my son would be just fine!


    My husband and I were giddy with excitement as we pulled out of our driveway and drove off down the street, finally after two months getting some time alone! I think we even high-fived. This date I’d been planning for a good couple of weeks in advance was to be a movie (Promethius) at the “Blue Room Cinebar” where we could pre-order food and drinks to come to us during the session. So it was like Gold Class but without the rip off factor!


    We settled down in the mood-lit lounge with a glass of champagne each as we waited for our movie session to start. That’s when it all started to feel strange.....


    Not strange from the effects of my first drop of alcohol in a year, strange emotionally. How to explain..... It’s almost as though my son and I were magnetised to each other, that our connection, our bond, which had been so far been impeccably maintained was now being stretched too far from the 15km distance that we were now apart. It was very unsettling.


    It felt so silly to be feeling this way on a subconscious level, while on a conscious level all I wanted to do was give my husband the attention he’d been missing and to enjoy my date and my birthday. It was a real internal struggle to know how to feel!


    So what was the material result of this on our date?


    I could tell I was being withdrawn, I was messaging my mother-in-law all throughout the movie, my breasts were engorged from missing a feed, and after the movie when my husband asked where I wanted to go next to keep celebrating my birthday, what do you think my knee-jerk response was?

    “Let’s go home.”


    How absurd! I finally have a chance for some freedom, my mother-in-law said to take as long as we like, and I say “Let’s go home”!


    It was almost as though I was a puppet and my son was pulling the strings.


    As soon as we’d got home, thanked and farewelled my mother-in-law I rushed to the bedroom to express the feed that I’d missed. Oh the relief!  Uh, not exactly the romantic bedroom twist that dates once used to take. It’s pretty hard to feel sexy after pumping out a bottle. It was straight to sleep following this, as my mindset was that I’d forfeited a few of hours sleep because of the movie and I knew I’d be getting up in another hour or so for the next feed, then I’d of course be up pre 5-am with the baby. Sleep at that time was a precious commodity that trumped any ideas of sex.


    So when I compare this experience of our first post-baby date to how we used to date, that’s how I knew life is truly different after baby! Not exactly hang-up free, huh.


    My son is now 18 months old and things have changed considerably since then.

    Dates and baby-sitting are somewhat more easy-breezy now and while on dates I actually give my husband the attention he deserves. We have a full Rolodex of friends and family on call to babysit and can leave him with confidence that he’ll just go to sleep at 7pm on the dot and they won’t hear a peep. I don’t even write the babysitters any notes! I do have to say there is still that pull to come back home to him, I don’t know if that will ever go away...


    Looking back, I’m glad I had that experience as it made me realise just how strong the bond really was with my son, how he had changed me as a person and how I really wouldn’t want it any other way. I like having the chance to share this story with new Mums and Mums-to-be but I always reassure them that it gets easier each time.


    So what about you? How would you answer my pregnant friend’s question? 

    What was the time when you truly realised your life had changed since having your baby?



    About the Author

    This article was kindly provided by Lauren Pykett AKA The Blog At Home Mum

    Lauren is a Brisbane Mum of one boisterous toddler (who currently has an obsession with not letting her touch her own computer mouse) and has Bub #2 on the way.


    Needless to say her passions for blogging and building an online business occur outside her son’s waking hours! The Blog At Home Mum teaches and inspires other Mums (and Dads) to blog and how to earn additional income from home.


    Here are all Blog At Home Mum’s details:






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