There is light... Finding My Way Through Post Natal Depression

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    The day I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was in shock! I honestly thought we were so lucky falling pregnant from IVF the first time, and with so many failed cycles and four years in between, I don't think I fully believed I was pregnant until the second trimester!
     

    My pregnancy progressed without any issues or major concerns, and my beautiful bump kept on growing.

     

    My due date grew nearer, we were all getting excited for baby's arrival.

     

    My due date arrived, we headed to the hospital, and a short four hours later, our second beautiful boy arrived! Due to another emergency c-section, I did not get any skin to skin contact, did not get to nurse my baby, nor did I get to feed him as I had intended. I felt like a failure. So began my feelings of insecurity and my self confidence settling to an all-time low.

     

    Again, I adapted to having a newborn, I knew what I was doing, and he took well to feeding from me after I had recovered.

     

    As he got older, he fought sleeping in his cot during the day and would only fall asleep in my arms, cat napping for fifteen minutes. I reasoned that I could deal with this as he slept all night. The reality was, I couldn't deal with it, and my strength and resilience was quickly slipping away from me.

     

    My husband could see what was happening, but felt powerless to stop it. His confident, strong, happy wife was constantly upset, moody, doubting herself and struggling to cope! Those of us struggling, tend to put on a brave face and cover up our feelings of hopelessness and failure to others. I got used to the cat napping and would drift off in the chair with bub whenever I could. As I was reasonably new to the town, I didn't know many people, so became quite introverted, and was apprehensive about making new friends, I had withdrawn from society and was hiding.

     

    Bub turned six months, something changed. I kissed goodbye to the full night sleep I had been so used to since he was a week old! Catnapping combined with waking eight times a night, I was like a zombie. My depression kicked into overdrive! My husband would awaken to me sobbing in the garage (so I didn't wake anyone up), with the baby crying in his cot. I couldn't cope, and I couldn't resettle him. My rising distress and panic only made his distress worse and his crying reached a pitch that broke my heart over and over.

     

    In my sleep deprived stupor, I stumbled across an ad for Kangatraining. I was curious, and it was on a kinder day. I had nothing to lose, so I registered for a class and gave myself something to look forward to.

     

    The day arrived. I gingerly got ready and tried to brush away the new thoughts - was I wearing the right thing, I'm so unfit, will I make a fool of myself? I arrived for class and everyone was so welcoming, and our instructor was friendly and helpful. By the end of class, I was one beaming (and sweaty) mumma! I was hooked! I felt so good! My bub didn't sleep, but he was happy through the whole class - being nestled into my chest and feeling the warmth of me was enough.

     

    It was a month later that I met the founder of the local Babywearing Group at a class. I got home from Kanga, joined the Babywearing group and marked the next meet in my calendar. By this stage, bub was sleeping through the Kanga class, and on the days we didn't Kanga, he would routinely start to drift off around the time we would place him in his carrier and I could put him in his cot!

     

    The opportunity arose for me to take over the Territory and complete the Kangatraining Instructor Course in January. This was too good to be true! To be able to have my "passion" as my job was amazing! I've now been running classes since March and about to expand classes! Combined with being an active member of the Babywearing Group and wearing my little man daily, my journey on the PND bus is coming to an end.

     

    My little one still wakes through the night, but I've learnt not to sweat the small stuff, and if he refuses to sleep during the day, I do a quick carry and practice my Kanga choreography. He'll sleep on my back, I'll get a great workout, and nine times out of ten, I'll have a successful transfer from carrier to cot!

     

    Kim - Kangatrain - www.kangatrainingmildura.com.au

     

    My name is Kim and my Little Roo, is the 22 month old Nicholas, and I am the Kangatrainer for Sunraysia. We both love to Kanga, enjoying the music, dancing and meeting new mumma's!

    I've found Kanga has given me the confidence, strength and clarity needed to be the best mum I can be to both my boys.

    Kanga and Baby Wearing has also assisted in reducing my symptoms for Post-natal Depression.

    Classes run Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

    Visit www.kangatrainingmildura.com.au





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